Music Attack! pt.1

Aerosmith

Front man Tyler's annoying, ear piercing shrieking and lame songs like 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' are just a couple reasons why this band sucks the big one. They had a few good tunes in the 70's but for the most part have managed to churn out a whole heap of garbage since. Aerosmith proves that doing shit loads of smack and making music for really crappy Ben Affleck movies doesn't make you a good rock band.

Pearl Jam

Tone deaf front man Eddie Vedder has to be one of the worst singers ever. Go put on that 'Last Kiss' cover song as an example, it's fucking tragic and I'm not talking about the lyrics. Mix the horribly sung, out-of-tune vocals with the less than stellar guitar work and you get a very mediocre band that some how managed to influence millions of people to walk around like morons wearing the same plaid shirt, ripped jeans and Doc's. Talk about a low point in culture.

Foo Fighters

Mindless, hit-radio friendly, crap rock? Meh.

Oasis

These guys must be on some really great dope because they actually compared themselves to the Beatles. Do us a favor and go back to England with your Champaign Supernova, whatever the fuck that is, and punch yourselves out because your music is really fucking boring.

Coldplay

Another boring, snore-fest of a band. I would rather eat fresh dog shit than suffer more of their made-for-the-dentist-waiting-room muzak. And who the fuck names their kid Apple anyways?

Smashing Pumpkins

Everytime I hear Billy Corgan open his mouth with his whinny, faggy vocals I want to run and put my head through the nearest pane of thick glass. It would feel better.

Radiohead

Hey guys! Stop trying to be Pink Floyd because you are seriously shitting the bed. And by the way Tom, your electronic solo stuff sucks to the point of being un-listenable.

Kanye West

Listen you self-absorbed, Michael Jackson dressing momma's boy, you can't fucking rap. You got no flow. Zero. You want to hear a real MC, listen to KRS-One, now thats rhyming. I mean 'Stronger' has got to be the biggest rap turd ever. Dubya may or may not care about black people but I certainly don't care for Kanye. Fuck off, you're giving hip-hop a bad name!

Alicia Keys

Where did this pretentious, Motown wanna-be come from anyways. 'As I Am'? Who cares what you are. Go away already! Just listen to 'No One', as I am sure you already have 300,000 times . It has to be one of the worst songs ever recorded. Seriously. If you come across someone who likes that song, run for the hills for they are severely sick in the head and are probably very dangerous.

U2

Pretentious and preachy, often charging criminal ticket prices, U2 has always been a sonic turd of a band that has proven that the mass music listener is indeed a foolish, stupid creature. Bono is tone deaf and has trouble hitting notes if at all. The Edge's guitar playing is laughable at best, and the rhythm section couldn't keep time if their life depended on it. Thanks to creative recording tricks these guys sound semi-tight and harmonic on album but live they are just fucking horrible. Bad music for the mindless masses.

Tiesto

Dutch dance-god Tiesto invites you to join him to wave your arms in the air like a fucking idiot with 20'000 other sheep who also paid $125 to see a lousy trance DJ mix CD's. Wow!

The Doors

Jim Morrison, was nothing more than a flaky, narcissistic loser who did so much dope that he actually thought he was a Lizard King. They couldn't even make it to Woodstock. The band flat out sucked and so did his childish poetry.